Queen of the Heavens Page 16
I did as commanded, or at least I tried, but was amazed to find a force emanating from the ankh that pushed my hands away.
“I cannot, My Lord. The power is too great.”
Harenhab took my hands and pulled them forcefully to the talisman, then closed my fingers around it. Power surged throughout my body, igniting a subtle fire in every corner of it. The fire did not singe or burn, but tingled and gave me strength.
“It is the energy of your heart,” I said in amazement. “It flows through my whole being.”
“Yes, Tuya, it is the power of my heart expanded a multitude of times through the power of the ankh.”
I closed my eyes and felt my consciousness soar into the skies, as if carried on the wings of a thousand herons. At the same time, I found it floating in the Nile, bathed by the gentle waters of the sacred river. I saw before me the celestial spheres in the night sky expanding into the infinite. I found, too, that as Lord Harenhab’s love flowed from his heart through the ankh and into me, my love likewise flowed into him in this realm where time had stopped.
“This is magnificent, My Lord. I wish to stay here forever,” I whispered.
“It cannot be, at least not yet. You are divine, Tuya, but you’re human as well.”
Reluctantly, I returned to the realm of time and dropped my hands to my lap as Harenhab lifted the ankh from his neck.
“Here, it is yours,” he said, as he placed the cord over my head. “When you feel powerless, wear the ankh and allow it to expand the power within your own heart.”
“My Lord, I cannot take this from you,” I protested.
Harenhab raised his eyebrows. “You would refuse the Pharaoh?”
I dropped my head in contrition. I would refuse this Pharaoh nothing.
“Thank you, My Lord. I accept your gift graciously.”
At another time, the love flowing between Harenhab and me would have drawn us into a passionate embrace, but time had taken its toll on the Pharaoh and in matters of the flesh time could not be denied. Harenhab and I would share our love, but like a grandfather and a granddaughter, at least in this lifetime.
XX
Had my son lived for even a few years and died, the funeral rites would have been extraordinarily elaborate. Friends of the family would have been present along with dignitaries from the government and high priests from the great temples. Lord Harenhab himself would even have attended to pray for the soul of the child who was in line to become Pharaoh. Since my child was born without life, it was as if he never existed to those outside the immediate family, so the ceremony was kept simple, with only Sety and me, our parents and three priests from the Temple of Ptah present.
After the traditional seventy days of mourning, the tiny wooden coffin containing the mummy was placed in a tomb on bone-dry land to the west of Memphis that also held the mummies of Ramesses’ mother and father and two wives. Sety and I placed offerings of food and drink on an altar outside the burial chamber to nourish the soul of the infant, and the priests recited incantations that would help guide it on the journey to the afterworld. None, save for me, recognized the futility of the ritual since my son’s body never harbored a soul.
I hoped the entombment would enable Sety and me to put the past behind us, but the weeks following the ritual were no different than the weeks before.
“I would like the two of us to spend some days together in the same villa where we stayed after we became husband and wife. We could call upon Bastet to restore excitement and caring to our marriage,” I said one night to Sety after a perfunctory session of intercourse.“I have no time for such foolishness,” Sety replied.
“You’re an angry man,” I snapped. “Your anger prevents you from showing me the love I know is within you. Take care Sety or your anger will cause your soul to suffer in this life and the next.”
Sety’s face reddened, but he did not reply. My husband left the room holding his anger within himself.
As I lay in bed, my own anger rose to a level I had never before felt. I desired the tenderness Sety had once shown me but which he now seemed incapable of providing. I wanted to share my exquisite body intimately with a man of equal attractiveness, but my handsome and athletic husband merely took what he wanted and denied me the passion I so desired.
I tried to sleep but my anger made me restless, and as I lay awake in the small hours of the morning the anger was replaced by despair. I felt as if I had been banished from the lush banks of the Nile and was wandering in the desert, with no water, no nourishment, and no hope of finding an oasis. A desire to love and to be loved burned inside me, but I saw my youth and sensuality withering away, with my soul never again to know joy in this lifetime.
How can I escape, I asked myself. There is no escape but death.
I rose from bed and walked to a table in the corner of the room. On it lay a knife with an onyx handle that Nebet used to cut my hair. I picked it up with both my hands and placed the point below my breasts.
With but one plunge I can free myself from the bonds of despair with which I have been shackled, I thought. Isis, forgive me.
I held my breath and gritted my teeth, but just as I was about to release from my body the force that sustained my life a thought entered my mind.
The ankh.
I relaxed my grip and placed the knife back on the table. In a chest nearby I located the talisman given to me by Lord Harenhab, which I had neatly wrapped in a piece of linen. I placed the cord around my neck with the ankh dangling before my heart center, sat down on a three-legged stool and closed my eyes.
Calm descended upon me, but I also felt the subtle, tingling fire I had experienced while with the Pharaoh slowly ignite within me. The fire began at my sacred place, then spread through my torso and limbs. I felt my heart center open, and the energy of the Cosmos pass into my being.
The fire rose to my forehead, and I felt my consciousness depart my body through the vortex above and between my eyes. To my surprise, I soon found myself not in my room in Memphis, but in the courtyard of the Great Temple of Amun in Thebes next to the stone statue of Sekhmet. With an ankh in her left hand, the lion goddess rose from her throne and smiled at me.
“Why are you troubled, Tuya?” she asked, not through speech, but thought.
“My life seems hopeless, Sekhmet,” I answered in the same manner. “I am surrounded by splendor but live in a barren world. My husband despises me, yet I’m trapped for a lifetime with him. I want to know joy again, but I fear my life will be one only of despair.”
“You need not despair, my dear,” Sekhmet said as she took my hand. “Come with me.”
Sekhmet led me through the courtyard past towering columns, then beyond the sanctuary to a great obelisk of solid granite that stood twenty times my height.
“Allow your consciousness to enter it,” Sekhmet said.
“How is that possible,” I asked. “It is of stone.”
“Am I not of stone, and do we not speak through consciousness? Close your eyes, Tuya, and will your being into the granite.”
I did as commanded, and to my amazement found the obelisk not still and lifeless, but shimmering and alive with love and bliss. My consciousness rose rapidly within the obelisk, then emerged out of the electrum capital into another realm. I walked along an alabaster pathway and looked up at a sky glistening with all the colors of the rainbow and beyond. Squirrels, gazelles, baboons, ibises and a host of animals of types I had never seen before came up to me and exchanged thoughts of affection. A light and refreshing rain began to fall, but I did not become wet. The animals were conscious, the trees were conscious, the grass was conscious. Even the soil and rocks glistened with consciousness. Smells sweeter than a thousand lotuses entered my nostrils and the atmosphere resonated with magnificent celestial harmonies unheard on Earth. The sounds and smells were conscious, too.
Then I heard Isis.
“What you experience are the thoughts of the divine, Tuya. You are such a thought as well.”
“No, Tuya. You are beyond the beyond.”
“Why did you leave me?” I asked the Queen of the Heavens.
“I did not leave you. Your doubt made you think I had departed.”
I walked past holy men and women who were meditating, chanting and performing sacred rituals. Their skins were of different colors and most were dressed in costumes I had never seen in Egypt. Playful creatures with wings flitted about my head, appearing then vanishing before my eyes. At first I thought they were dragon flies, then realized their tiny, naked bodies were like those of humans. I walked through mist from a waterfall and sensed the mist was alive with consciousness and bliss. I looked directly into a distant white light, a thousand times brighter than the sun god Ra, but it did not blind me. The light itself was conscious and it penetrated everything.
“All is love and beauty,” I said.
“Then why are you troubled?” Isis asked.
“All is love and beauty where I am now,” I answered, “but it will not be so when I return to the earthly realm.”
“The earthly world is but an illusion, Tuya, like a reflection in a pond. Toss in a stone and it is gone, but here you dwell in the eternal.”
“Why am I here, Isis?”
“You have a pure soul.”
“The dark forces do not exist here. They cannot exist where there is such light,” I said.
“Why do you even concern yourself with darkness?” Isis asked. “Enjoy the bliss and bathe in the light of the divine.”
I did as Isis said. The light entered every corner of my being and for a time I became one with the light, untainted by even a speck of darkness. I was Tuya, I was the ibises, I was the grass and the stone and the ankh. I had become one with all things in this place where time did not exist.
“I can know bliss here, but not in the realm of humans,” I finally said to Isis. “The dark forces inhabit my husband and cause him to despise me.”
“What you call the dark forces inhabit everyone in the earthly realm, some more so than others,” Isis replied.
“I must rid Sety of his darkness, of his demons, Isis. How can I do this?”
“You cannot. The demons that enter the body from without can be exorcised with spells and rituals, but Sety’s demons have arisen from within. If he faces his demons and slays them, he will move forward in his journey to eternity. If he does not, he will move backward. It is the same for all humans, Tuya, including you.”
“I can slay my demons, Isis, but Sety’s will destroy him.”
“They may, but the light is within Sety, too.”
“The light and the dark are fighting a battle inside my husband and the dark is winning.”
“No, Tuya, you only think they are engaged in battle, for the light and the dark are one.”
“I cannot continue to live with Sety and his demons. I’m not strong enough. You must help me, Isis,” I pleaded.
“You have already received my help, Tuya. Remember that day in your childhood when your teacher taught you the Laws of Isis, the laws I gave to the world. Contemplate my laws, for in them lies salvation.”
I thought back to the time when I was sitting next to the lotus pond at my home with Maya, and how I became teary-eyed when my beautiful teacher and I spoke of the story of Isis and Osiris and the dark god Seth. I recalled her, too, reciting the laws Isis had bestowed upon humanity. “The divine is everything. Love no one thing more than another thing. See beauty in all things.”
In an instant, all became clear.
“I did not understand back then, but now I do. See beauty in the darkness. See beauty in the demons. See beauty in the struggle, for through struggle the soul advances toward the light. Sety will overcome his demons and progress toward eternity with a purer soul, or he will fail Osiris’ judgment and have to meet the demons in another lifetime.”
“It is the way of the Cosmos,” Isis responded.
“Must I return to Sety?” I asked.
“No, Tuya. You can stay here, or you can return to the earthly realm and lead others toward the light. It is your choice.”
“If I choose to stay, what will become of my son?”
“His soul will be born in the child of another woman, and he will not know your love and you will not know his. The soul of your son will not progress as it might if you were with him.”
“If I return, will you promise never to leave me?”
“You need not ask that question, for I am you and you are I. You now have seen the light, Tuya. You have become the light. You are Isis.”
I remained in the realm beyond the beyond for some time, basking in the love and the bliss of which I was a part. The decision of whether to remain may have been mine to make, but there really was no choice for I knew what I had to do. My consciousness traveled to the electrum capital of the obelisk, then slowly descended to the monument’s base. As I emerged from the obelisk Sekhmet was there to greet me.
“I thought you would return,” the lion goddess said as she again took my hand and led me back through the courtyard to her throne. We embraced.
“When my son becomes Pharaoh will you protect him, Sekhmet?” I asked.
“Is that not my role in the Divine Pageant?” Sekhmet answered. “You need not worry, Tuya. I will protect him.”
The two of us separated. The goddess sat down on her throne, raised the arm that held the ankh and became motionless, her divine essence once more frozen in stone.
I grasped my own ankh with both my hands and closed my eyes. When I opened them again I was back in my room in Memphis, seated on the stool. I rose, took off the talisman, wrapped it again in linen and put it back in the chest.
I then lay down in bed and went to sleep, secure in the knowledge that All is divine perfection. All is as it should be.
XXI
The loveless sex between Sety and me served its purpose, for soon I was carrying another child. Occasionally, Sety looked in on me to inquire not about my health, but that of the tiny being growing within me.
“Is everything all right? Is our son developing as he should?” Sety asked one morning.
“All is well with both of us,” I answered. “Will you sit with me for a while?”
“No. I’ll be in Heliopolis, and then hunting. I’ll be back in ten days.”
Then he left, without so much as a smile.
I made a point not to express even mild displeasure with Sety for I knew this would be futile. I also recognized that regardless of how my husband acted, I needed to maintain peace and balance within myself. Sety might impede the progress of his soul to the afterworld with intolerable behavior, but I would not impede my soul’s journey by reacting with anger.
It was in Thebes, at the time when the sun god Ra ended his southward journey and headed north again, that I felt for the second time the pangs that presaged birth. Once again Sety was away from the palace, in Aswan with Ramesses, who was leading an expedition seeking new sources of granite for the giant obelisks. Mother was in Memphis with Father so I faced the ordeal of childbirth with only Nebet to comfort me. The pain was as agonizing as before, but this time, to my great relief, I heard a whimper then a newborn’s cry as the child emerged from within me. I allowed my spirits to soar.
“My child lives,” I exclaimed, as loudly as I could in my weakened condition.
“Yes, My Lady,” the midwife said. “You have given birth to a beautiful daughter.”
My spirits dropped. I had failed again to produce an heir, and I imagined what Sety’s fury would be like when he found out the news. I saw and heard him railing against me, and cursing my name at the top of his lungs as he demanded that Ramesses allow him to take a new woman as his Princess. I recoiled from my thoughts of Sety, then became angry at myself.
I will not fear this man, I said silently. What right has Sety to question the will of the Neters. Let my husband be furious. I will be joyous. I have given birth to a goddess and she will
know my love.
As the days passed, I spent a great deal of time with my daughter, cradling her in my arms and singing to her, but I left the suckling and the chore of changing soiled linen to wet nurses and nannies. Such was the prerogative of a Princess.
Had the child been a son, Sety immediately would have left Aswan for Thebes, but the news of the birth of a daughter did not cause my husband to alter his plans and he remained in Aswan for another twenty days. By the time Sety arrived home, I was up and about, again giving orders to household servants and foremen and otherwise running the estate.
When Sety saw his daughter, even he could not be cold toward her. Sety took the infant from me. She reached out to him, smiled, and uttered an indecipherable series of sounds. Sety smiled back and sought to imitate the tiny being with his own indecipherable ramblings.
“She’s a beautiful child, Tuya,” Sety said after handing the infant to me. “She has your features. Next you will produce a son who will have mine.”
What arrogance to think the heir to the throne will look like him but not like me, I thought. I glared at my husband. “I see your features in our daughter, too. I’m sure some of my features will be in our son as well.”
Sety ignored my comment. “Our daughter will be named Tjia after my deceased aunt,” he declared.
I liked the name, so I didn’t object, but even if I had disliked it complaining would have done no good. Sety’s mind was made up.
A few days later, our small family visited the palace so Lord Harenhab might meet Tjia.
“She’s an adorable little Princess,” the Pharaoh said as he held the infant on his lap. Tjia reached out to the old man and grabbed his finger.
“Thank you My Lord,” I replied. “She takes a liking to you.”
“I regret I never had a daughter of my own, or a son. I suspect your next child will be Pharaoh, my dear, after Ramesses and Sety have completed the task.” Harenhab directed a look of displeasure at Sety. “Don’t neglect your duties to Tuya in this regard. I have high expectations for you, and for the son you and Tuya bring forth together.”